What are the stages of a Jewish wedding?

In the Bible, most marriages were arranged when the couple was young, and their spouses came from the same household. Men were restricted from marrying outside of their tribe in traditional societies for concern that their prospective wife might introduce unpleasant foreign beliefs and practises.

For a day that is supposed to be a happy commemoration of two people's wants for one another, the strain of planning every last detail can be more than anyone bargains for. Once you master these traditions, you will be able to give more weight to your actions. Here is a rundown of some of the most common traditions included in a Jewish wedding ceremony. Though these practises may at first glance appear standard, feel free to let your creativity run wild when considering how you may personalise them.

To Begin, Let’s Define a Jewish Wedding

A Jewish wedding ceremony is a complex tapestry woven from biblical, historical, philosophical, cultural, and legal elements. Elements of Jewish identity that have persisted through the ages for more than 3,800 years. In a broader sense, our ancestors believed that a wedding is a reenactment of the marriage that took place between God and the Jewish nation at Mount Sinai, and hence a personal Yom Kippur.

Whether you are the bride, the groom, a member of the wedding party, or a friend, remember to take delight in this joyous occasion and the beautiful bond it creates. Do the groom and bride a solid on their big day by dancing for them.

Cultural Background

Traditional Jewish wedding customs have their roots in the Jewish faith. However, there is some variation in Jewish wedding customs from one sect to another.

Religiously and ceremonially, Orthodox Jews are the most traditional of the Jewish communities. The vast majority of Jewish Americans belong to the Reformers, which opposes many of Orthodoxy's "outdated" rituals. Conservative Jews try to establish a "middle ground" between Orthodox and Reform by adopting some of those practises while keeping others.

The Jewish marriage ceremony is traditionally divided into two parts: the erusin and the nissuin.

During the Erusin, the husband usually presents his bride with a gift of immense value. There are, however, more traditional Jewish groups that believe the marriage ceremony is the sole opportunity to present the woman her ring. The groom's present is a sure sign that he wants to locate a wife and start a family.

The Jewish wedding ceremony, known as Nissan, is the only time that many of these traditions are observed. A Jewish wedding consists of two main parts: the service underneath the chuppah (a temporary altar) and the yichud (the formal reception). More traditional Jewish communities place great importance on the yichud as the last rite before the couple may officially call themselves husband and wife. You are free to hold the ceremony wherever you like, be it a synagogue, a private residence, etc.

Setting a Date

Considering the religious and cultural requirements of the Jewish lunar calendar, deciding on a wedding date for a Jewish couple might be challenging.
Some examples of days that are off limits for Jewish marriages are as follows:

• On the Sabbath (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday).
• Other celebrations including Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, Passover, and Shavuot.
• Time period of three weeks beginning on the seventeenth of Tamus and ending on the ninth of Av (commemorating the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem)
• The Omer timeframe (between Passover and Shavuot)
• Period of time set aside to grieve the loss of a close relative.

As the Jewish calendar is lunar in origin, the dates of such religious ceremonies move around throughout the year, making it essential that the groom and bride confer with a rabbi to pick the most appropriate day.

After settling on a wedding day, the happy couple can often choose the timing of the ceremony. Sundays are the most popular day for weddings because most guests would be free then. Saturdays after 1 hr. 30 min. after dusk might be used if absolutely necessary.

Fun fact: The Hebrew and English texts on Jewish wedding invitations have always been presented side by side. They also don't ask for guests' "honour," but rather invite them to "dance at," "celebrate," or "enjoy in the joy of" the couple's big day.

The Prewedding Celebration, or Kabbalat Panim

The very first ceremony of a Jewish marriage is traditionally a reception called a Kabbalat panim. Our sages tell us that a bride and groom are treated like royalty on their wedding day. They are given superhuman powers and total autonomy over their lives and surroundings. Since their sins have been forgiven, they may focus on building a better future for themselves and the people they care about. They are so important to us that we are giving them a royal welcome.

There are separate receptions for the bride and groom's families and friends. The tradition of having the groom and bride spend a week apart before the marriage is believed to heighten the couple's sense of yearning and affection for one another and make the wedding day more joyful. They won't be able to see each other again till the badeken (veiling ritual) which follows the reception.

Royal in appearance, the bridal chair is truly one-of-a-kind. Guests at the groom's banquet typically sing songs and recite passages from the Torah to express their joy and good wishes for the couple's future together. There will be light snacks, l'chaims, and hors d'oeuvres available at both parties.

Many cultures have the tenai'm (engagement contract) and ketubah (marriage contract) signed at this time. After the tena'im have been read, the mothers of the bride and groom break a ceramic or glass dish and shout "Mazal Tov!"

Bride Veiling (Badeken)

The husband performs the badeken, or veiling ceremony, by escorting the wedding party to the wedding reception chamber and covering the bride's face with a veil. Following the Kabbalat panim festivities, this is done.

We can trace the tradition of covering a bride's face with a veil back to our ancestor Rebecca, who did so in order to avoid her future husband Isaac's disapproval.

The tradition of the bride veiling her face at the altar is meant to symbolise the groom's interest in the inner beauty of his bride rather than just her outward appearance, which would inevitably diminish over time. The Jewish woman's natural modesty is also emphasised. The bride's face is traditionally veiled throughout the chuppah ceremony so that she may reflect alone on this momentous occasion.

After the husband has veiled the bride, her parents will walk up to her to grant her their blessing. After that, the groom and his guests leave the venue. Everyone in the bridal party gathers below the chuppah, or wedding canopy.

Canopy for the Wedding Ceremony (Chuppah)

A canopy called a chuppah is used in Jewish wedding ceremonies. The ceremony takes place beneath a canopy without sides. It's a symbol of their commitment to making their home as inviting to guests.

The chuppah ceremony is traditionally held in the open air. The outdoor nature of a chuppah ceremony represents the couple's intention to bring a sense of peace and enlightenment into their new home.

The ceremony under the chuppah is usually taken extremely seriously. Both the groom and the bride are expected to shed many tears during the ceremony. This is due to the moment's deep influence on one's awareness.

The groom may be obligated to wear a kittel, a long white garment, during the chuppah ritual in some Jewish communities. The white kittel worn on Yom Kippur symbolises God's atonement and pristine purity, much like the white wedding attire worn by the bride.

Every chuppah ceremony is blessed by the Shechinah. Those who have gone before us, including the bride and groom's grandparents, great-grandparents, and their own parents, are also honoured guests during the wedding. Everyone there is encouraged to handle the event with the highest level of respect.

The Wedding Processional

Like any royal pair, the bride and groom arrive at the chuppah with their own personal "honour guards," a married couple who are generally the bride and groom's parents. In some cultures, it is also customary for the bride and groom's parents and all of their children's parents to be part of the wedding party.

In order to get the bride and groom to the chuppah, the escorts had to elbow each other. Candles are held by all the escorts as a symbol of the hope that the newlyweds will have a happy and bright future together.

The wedding ceremony begins with the groom being escorted to the chuppah. Traditional wedding processionals have a sombre tune played by the band as the bride and groom make their way to the altar. The bride makes numerous laps around the groom before entering the chuppah, a custom that originated in Ashkenazi communities. By drawing these concentric circles around her future spouse, the bride symbolises isolating him as her exclusive territory.

After the bride and groom have taken their places side by side under the chuppah, the cantor will sing several Hebrew welcoming hymns on behalf of all those in attendance, during which time they will also pray for God's blessings on the happy couple.

Now that we've finished the necessary premarital preparations, we can start the wedding itself.

The Betrothal

Marriage is a two-step procedure in Torah law. Kiddushin (which can be translated as "betrothal") is the first part of the wedding process, and nisu'in (the completion of the wedding) is the second. The Kiddushin is completed when the groom gives the bride the wedding band, and the nisu'in is completed when the husband and wife come together under the chuppah for the purpose of marriage.

The Jewish concept of "sanctification," or "Kiddushin," refers to the ritual by which a married couple invoking the presence of God in their home elevates their union to a higher level of holiness.

Wedding vows are often spoken over a bottle of wine. An old proverb states, "Wine makes an individual happy," and a wedding is the most joyously celebrated mitzvah. The rabbi raises a cup of wine and says a blessing over it, as well as a betrothal blessing, thanking God for the privilege of performing the mitzvah of betrothal on behalf of the couple. The two of them are using the same cup to drink from.

Exchange of Rings

Giving an item of value to the bride is required under Jewish law for a marriage to be recognised. It is expected that the marriage would be a basic beauty, and thus it is fitting that the ring be completely plain, with no stones or other adornments.

At this point, the couple exchanges rings and makes their betrothal promises to one another. The substance of the marriage ceremony can be summed up in the words, "with this ring, you are devoted to me according to the law of Moses and Israel." The eternity represented by the ring's circle is a metaphor for the unbreakable character of the marriage vows.

Groom then slips ring onto bride's finger. As he slips the ring onto her finger, the bridegroom says, "With this ring, you are devoted to me according to the law of Moses and Israel." A legitimate betrothal requires the presence of kosher witnesses.

Marriage Contract (Ketubah)

The ketubah, or marriage contract, is read aloud after the groom has placed the ring on the bride's finger. That marriage is a legal and moral commitment as well as a physical and spiritual one is made clear in the ketubah. The ketubah spells forth the husband's contractual duties, including providing for his wife's physical needs (through food, clothing, and affection) and emotional needs (through affection and companionship).

The chuppah ceremony, which preceded the reading of the Torah to the Jews at Mount Sinai, is compared to the wedding between God and Israel in the ketubah. In the Torah, God promises to meet the material and spiritual requirements of His cherished bride, the Jewish people. Our continued existence over the millennia has been guaranteed by this priceless "nuptial contract," notwithstanding the fall of many once-great nations and superpowers.

To mark the transition between the Kiddushin and nisu'in stages of the marriage ceremony, the ketubah is read aloud.

The groom then presents the ketubah to the bride after it has been read.

To Complete the Wedding Ceremony

Now comes the nisu'in, the culmination of the wedding ceremony, which is influenced by the chuppah and the recital of Sheva Brachot, the "Seven Blessings."

The reading of these blessings is a traditional way of showing respect to close friends and family. Honorees walk up to the chuppah and stand underneath it to receive the cup of wine they will use in the blessing over it.

The first blessing is a wine blessing, while the remaining six are marriage blessings, including individual blessings for the bride and groom. Both the bride and the groom take another drink from the cup.

The souls of the bridegroom and bride reunite at this moment, becoming one again as they had been before their births. As part of the Seven Blessings, the couple is wished the same innocent joy in each other as Adam and Eve experienced in the Garden of Eden.

Then a cup is put at the groom's feet, wrapped in a huge cloth napkin. The groom crushes the glass with his foot. The breaking of the glass symbolises our need to reflect on the destruction of Jerusalem and anticipate our eventual return there, even in the midst of the greatest of personal joys. Everybody customarily cheers "Mazal Tov!" as the glass breaks.

Their entire marriage will be soundtracked by those songs. Whenever your husband "breaks anything" at your wedding and when your wife "breaks things" in the years to follow, exclaim "Mazal Tov!" and praise Goodness for gifting you with a living human person who is prone to mood changes, inconsistencies, and faults.

Yichud Room

The yichud (seclusion) room is where the bride and groom go to have some private time together after the chuppah.

The objective of the ceremony is for the bride and groom to have private moments together, and that time comes after all the public festivities. They need to take some time to be there for each other even if they are surrounded by others who want to give them all of their love and attention. This is a vital piece of advice for married couples: make time for each other amidst the chaos of daily living.

It is customary for the bride and groom to break their fast together in the bedroom on their wedding day. The bride and groom also traditionally exchange presents during this time.

Traditional bride-groom blessings take place in the yichud room. A bride may wish for her husband's long life and happiness, as well as for their continued ability to love one other and be together forever. To spend all of eternity with him is a dream of hers.

The yichud room is traditionally not entered by the newlyweds until after the wedding reception has ended in a Sephardic ceremony.

The Wedding Reception

It is a tremendous mitzvah to celebrate the happy union of a bride and groom by sharing in their wedding feast. According to the Talmud, the greatest sages once paused their rigors Torah study to perform a musical and dance celebration for a newlywed couple.

Music, singing, and dancing await the bride and groom as they leave the yichud room to join their guests. Traditional Jewish wedding dances involve the groom and his male guests and the bride and her female guests dancing in distinct circles, separated by a mechitzah (divider). During the course of the reception, guests will continue to sing and dance for the bride and husband while also performing a variety of amateur acrobatics and feats.

All the guests are expected to get up and dance at a typical Jewish wedding. According to Jewish belief, the souls of all Jews, past and present, are intrinsically linked. A Jewish marriage is celebrated as more than just a personal goal for the newlywed couple and their family since it creates a bond between both the previous generations and the generations to come.

Following their first dance, the bride and groom are seated at the head table with their families and any special guests. The groom traditionally delivers the hamotzie blessing over a large loaf of challah, which is subsequently cut and served to the guests.

Mealtime Blessings

Sheva Brachot, or the Seven Blessings, are repeated after the wedding supper and are the same as those said under the chuppah.

The newlyweds toast their future together with a recitation of the seven graces that will ensure God's favour on their union. Wine has a fascinating and ancient history as a means of uniting lovers.

Wine is good for the soul. To make this cheery drink, though, a grape must be smashed. Life as a married couple isn't without its share of heartbreak, but the key is to work through those difficult times together, which ultimately brings you closer and brings forth more joy in your relationship.

Two full glasses of wine are set out before the Grace after Meals, one for the person leading the Grace and another for the Sheva Brachot blessings. Guests are then asked to recite the first six blessings of the Sheva Brachot after the grace has been said. They all sit around the Sheva Brachot cup and take turns saying the blessing aloud.

The leader of the Grace after Meal says the hagafen (wine) blessing aloud and then drinks from his cup after the other six blessings have been said. Groom and bride each take a sip from a cup containing a custom blend of wine.

Everything you required to know is now at your fingertips. Somehow in the midst of the mayhem that is planning a Jewish wedding, the event's spiritual significance might be forgotten. The most important piece of advise a Jewish bride may receive is to focus on the spiritual aspects of the ceremony.

Conclusion

Biblical, historical, intellectual, cultural, and even legal components all come together to form the intricate tapestry that is a Jewish wedding ceremony. The majority of weddings in the Bible were planned marriages between young people from the same family. The erusin and the nissuin are the two halves of the Jewish marriage rite. The ceremony under the chuppah (temporary altar) and the celebration are the two most important portions of a Jewish wedding. The location of the ceremony is up to you; it could take place in a synagogue, a private home, or any other place you deem appropriate.

The Jewish faith prohibits getting married on certain days, such as the Sabbath and during the festival of Passover. Each side of the wedding party celebrates with their own party. The groom leads the bridal party into the reception room for the badeken, also known as the veiling ritual. Every member of the wedding party congregates beneath the chuppah, or canopy, to witness the ceremony. One of the highlights of a Jewish wedding is the chuppah ceremony.

The "honour guards" walk the bride and groom down the aisle. The future wife draws a series of concentric rings around her future husband in an effort to separate him from her future spouse. In Judaism, sanctification, also known as "Kiddushin," is the rite through which a married couple invites God into their house, symbolically raising their partnership to a greater level of holiness. Once the wedding band has been given to the bride by the husband, the Kiddushin is complete. As part of the chuppah rite, the ketubah is held up and contrasted to the marriage between God and Israel.

Reading these blessings is a time-honored ritual for paying tribute to loved ones. Wishing the pair the same childlike delight in each other as Adam and Eve felt in the Garden of Eden. On the morning of their wedding, the bride and groom traditionally break their fast in bed. Newlyweds typically do not enter the yichud room until after the wedding reception has concluded. Marriage in the Jewish faith is celebrated for reasons beyond the couple's own happiness.