Your Etiquette Guide to a Second Wedding

Planning a second wedding is a whole new ballgame, and it can give you the jitters. The first one was a learning experience, so you probably don't want to repeat the same ones. This article will serve as a guide as you organise your second wedding and deal with the many challenges that may arise.

Your second wedding can still happen. Whether you're getting married again after a divorce or just want to mark a special anniversary with your current spouse, there are plenty of opportunities to make the occasion feel new and exciting.

It's not surprising that views on second marriages have evolved over time given that nearly half of today's spouses have been married before.

What was once seen as no cause for celebration in light of a previous "failure" has become, quite appropriately, cause for celebration of what everyone hopes will be the start of a long, happy, and lasting relationship.

While the specifics of a second wedding need not deviate greatly from those of a first, there are still some things that the happy couple should keep in mind as they organise their big day. Couples can make their second wedding celebration more meaningful and enjoyable if they have a firm grasp on what a second wedding actually is and how to make it stand out.

What do I need to know about the proper etiquette for a second wedding? This article serves as a helpful resource to answer some of the more frequent questions that arise during the event preparation process.

In addition to the joy of a second wedding, there are a few etiquette customs to keep in mind. Don't stress, we're here to assist you! If you want your second wedding to top the first one, keep reading.

About Second Weddings

Any union in which either the bride or groom has been married before is considered a second wedding. There are many reasons why a marriage might end, including death, divorce, or annulment, and it can be difficult to overcome the stigma that surrounds a "second" wedding because of the first.

A couple should remember that even if they have had a similar celebration or event with other people before, this will be their first wedding as a couple. That's why today's event is equally momentous and worthy of a party.

Second weddings have become more common as society has become more accepting of divorce. There is no longer any need for an encore bride to feel pressured into a hasty ceremony at city hall if the couple does not desire such a simple event.

The public at large now recognises that a fresh start can be preferable to staying in a bad marriage, and that it's something to be celebrated when a widow or widower finds love again after experiencing a devastating loss. However, traditional norms disregard the fact that this may still be the bride and groom's first wedding.

Rejoicing in a second wedding (or, more accurately, an encore wedding) used to be done so with a small civil ceremony and possibly a luncheon. With regard to second marriages, the word "quiet" seemed to be the operative one.

Receptions for second marriages are now as common as those for first marriages, and often more so. The reason for this is that a second-time bride wants to feel as special as a first-time bride on her wedding day.

To be sure, second weddings come with their own set of challenges and etiquette guidelines. But this is where some sort of ruleset might come in handy.

Many couples who marry a second or third time insist that this is actually their first wedding together. Most of them will be adults by the time of the wedding, at which point they will have matured (hopefully) and will have saved enough money to cover the costs themselves.

The person or group in control of the organization's financial resources will have complete discretion over all policy decisions. They will take their parents' feelings and preferences into account, but ultimately they will make the call for themselves.

People who are getting married for a second time are typically more settled in their tastes and preferences than those who are getting married for the first time. This is why many couples opt for a more elegant venue for their second nuptials.

The wedding style chosen by the bride and groom can reflect their level of sophistication through the details they attend to, such as the menu items served and the music played.

For most second weddings, the significance of the event to the couple and their loved ones takes precedence over any extraneous details. Second marriages are typically more intimate affairs with only close friends and family invited.

A second wedding calls for a new guest list and set of invitees. At the first wedding, they invited many of their parents' friends and clients because it was appropriate, but this time around, they'll invite more of their own friends and clients. It's up to the bride and groom to decide whether or not to invite the groom's family or the bride's family.

Ex-spouses are rarely invited out of respect for the feelings of the children and the current partner. If the couple is open to asking the ex, it is important to do so in a way that doesn't make the ex feel or look bad for declining.

Your friends and family will hopefully react positively when they hear the news of your engagement and upcoming marriage. However, there will inevitably be those who find the news unsettling, so tact is essential. Obviously, you'll have to let your ex-husband know.

Make it seem as casual and unremarkable as possible. Expect a range of reactions when you share the news that you're remarrying if you already have children from a previous relationship. Make room for inquiries. Give them space to express their worries.

Make an effort to detail the practical considerations and the resulting adjustments. If you can calm their nerves, everyone will have a better time during the engagement and the wedding.

You and your fiancé may be wondering if there are any special considerations to take into account since this will be your second wedding. Here's our advice for a successful second wedding.

Considering the First Wedding

When planning a second wedding, it's important for the couple to think carefully about their relationship and any previous marriages.

The couple should avoid making any unfavourable comparisons between their two nuptials. Whether or not this is the bride and groom's second wedding, the couple can take this opportunity to celebrate their new union in a unique and meaningful way.

By discussing the positive and negative aspects of previous nuptials, the couple can better define the wedding they envision for themselves.

Second Wedding Etiquette

1. The Engagement

Because of the profound impact it will have on their lives, your children from a previous relationship or your fiance's should be the first to hear the news of your engagement. Next, you can tell your friends and family the wonderful news.

For the sake of the kids, you should let your ex know about your wedding plans if you share custody with them. Unless you're already on particularly good terms, it's not necessary.

2. Bridal Shower/Registry

Pre-wedding celebrations are an exciting part of any wedding's buildup.

There is no social obligation to make an engagement announcement or throw a bridal shower. Still, modern bridal couples think there's no need to skip the engagement party or the shower if this is their second time around the wedding block.

It is customary, though not required, to write "no gifts please" on engagement party invitations if the majority of guests also attended the couple's first wedding's engagement party. Donations to charity or promises of services, such as "one night of babysitting or dog watching," are acceptable alternatives to "no gifts, please."

Although you are not making the decision to throw a bridal shower, it is perfectly fine for your sister or close friends to do so.

If a relative or close friend offers to throw you a bridal shower, you can politely decline as a second-time bride. If the bride is cool with the idea of a shower, then the invitation can be much more relaxed.

A non-traditional shower is often used to avoid crossing the line of acceptable taste. A gourmet food, wine, library (books), or garden shower is more original than showering the bride with dishes, linens, and housewares she probably already has.

The bride will receive usable, unique gifts from this group of options that play on the theme. The only taboo is requesting monetary gifts.

Since you probably already have all the cookware and housewares you'll ever need, you may want to have a party with a more specific theme in terms of gifts. One idea is to have people who know you well shower you with gifts related to a hobby or interest of yours, such as cooking supplies, gardening tools, or something else.

The majority of guests at a second wedding used to abide by the traditional etiquette that said presents weren't necessary. Present giving is now common practise. Most guests believe that it is customary to bring a gift to any celebration they attend, and a second marriage is no exception.

3. Bridal Attire

Some may advise against donning white, but such advice is unwarranted. However, dresses of varying hues are currently on-trend, so no one will be surprised to see one.

This is your chance to show off your unique sense of style if you prefer something a little less conventional. If you didn't wear a traditional ball gown the first time around, but would like to this time, don't let anyone stop you. You can still use a veil, but only a blusher is ever seriously considered for a first-time bride.

If the bride is having a second wedding, she can take advantage of the occasion by treating herself to a new dress or borrowing one of her friends' wedding gowns. A tuxedo, evening gown, or wedding dress are all suitable options.

Unless her first marriage was brief or she eloped, many wedding consultants and etiquette experts advise a second-time bride to avoid wearing white. Some experts in the field are fine with the current regulations that allow any bride to wear a long white dress on her wedding day, regardless of her age or the number of times she has been a bride.

Second-time brides who opt for white often choose a more casual, nontraditional dress for their big day. Second-time brides often feel self-conscious about donning a stark white dress. If that's the case, you can get away with wearing almost any colour that flatters you, from off-white to deep purple.

In order to get more use out of their wedding dress, many brides choose to buy something that can be worn again on other occasions. Therefore, a suit or a formal gown is the recommended attire. Orange blossoms, a symbol of virginity, should not be included in the bride's bouquet, but otherwise pretty much all the borders can be stretched.

Because of their associations with virginity and youth, most etiquette authorities agree that a bride should only wear a veil and train for her first wedding. They recommend that the second-time bride opt for a floral wreath or a stunning hat instead of a blusher or puffy veil.

According to etiquette expert Peggy Post, brides who are remarrying can wear a veil that flows down the back as long as it is appropriate for the ceremony's level of formality. Similarly, a train is acceptable, but it should be understated and "go with" the other elements of your wedding attire.

4. Ceremony and Traditions

There's no harm in having your dad walk you down the aisle twice, unless he's not keen on the idea. Alternatively, some women may choose to have their children serve as escorts while others may choose to exercise their independence by going to the wedding alone.

In a second marriage where one or both parties have children from a previous relationship, it is a thoughtful gesture to involve the kids in some way, whether through traditional family vows, a parent-child dance at the reception, or something else entirely.

It would be unusual for a second-time bride to be "given away" again, especially since it would be the divorced spouse doing the honours this time. As a result, the processional is typically not held at second weddings.

It's customary for the bride to make a side entrance. There is no requirement for bridesmaids, though the bride and groom may choose to have one or two close friends "stand up" for them.

Many couples, when celebrating their second wedding, choose to skip the fuss and get right to the nuptials.

Fortunately, there is no "traditional take" on how a second wedding should go; rather, it is entirely up to the couple's preference. Many couples who are remarrying choose to forego more traditional elements, such as a bridal party or being escorted down the aisle, in favour of something they feel is more fitting and meaningful to them.

5. Announcement

Proper etiquette dictates that announcing a recent divorce or widowhood should be delayed until after the wedding.

When there will be more than fifty guests, it is appropriate to send out printed invitations. If there are less than fifty people, it's better to call. Invitations can be made orally, which is especially convenient if your wedding will be on the casual side. The guidelines for sending out invitations for a first marriage remain in effect.

A more formal wedding calls for a more formal invitation. It is customary for the host to be identified on the invitation, and this is especially important in the case of a remarriage.

6. The Invites

The second or third time you send out invitations, the wording may be more difficult. It's possible that your parents won't be listed as "hosts" of your second wedding because they footed the bill for the first one but won't be able to afford the second one.

Generally speaking, you shouldn't invite an ex-spouse because it's considered rude. Many people who have gone through a divorce continue to have contact with their former spouse.

7. Your Dress

The dress, of course. One of the most significant aspects of the wedding, alongside the ring and the groom. What you wear to your second wedding is a personal choice.

It's your big day, so if you want to spoil yourself with a stunning gown, don't be afraid to visit a well-known salon like Nitsa's. You have a wide range of options, from long to tea-length to short to suit to lacey to sleek. Plus, you can select any colour you like, including variations on cream and white (although most brides go with muted tones).

Any dress that you find lovely and flattering will do; it doesn't have to be a wedding gown. Bridal jumpsuits, rompers, and trouser and top sets are also acceptable alternatives to the traditional gown.

Many future brides are showing interest in these novel takes on bridal attire... Why not join the trend? Prove to them who the real leader is.

8. Wedding Vows & Papers

There are a lot of similarities between the two weddings. Legal and religious considerations, such as a prenuptial agreement, annulment, or special dispensation, should be made.

Time is of the essence, so give yourself plenty of it to deal with these matters. If you are uncomfortable with any of the text in the wedding ceremony, the couple should talk to their minister or officiant about it.

Your wedding is the perfect opportunity to write your own vows from the heart and include phrases that mean something special to you both. You can either come up with your own ideas and write your own, or you can use one of the many books available as a resource.

9. Don’t Stress

It seems like getting married is your ultimate goal in life. When you're looking into the eyes of the one you love and daydreaming about a bright future together, it's easy to forget about the little things.

You probably still cringe at the thought of the stress that went into your first wedding, so this time, you should just worry about the end result. When you're marrying the person you love, there's no need to worry. Proceed as you see fit. It's a big day for the bride and groom.

10. The Ring

This could be your opportunity to buy all the flashy jewellery you wanted when you were younger but couldn't afford. You could choose a white diamond, but you might also want to consider a coloured diamond, sapphire, ruby, or emerald for a change of pace.

11. Children Involved

If there are kids present, it's crucial that they play an active role in the wedding so that they feel like they matter.

That input can start as early as the wedding's preliminary stages of planning. The older kids can help with the invitation addressing. Envelope stuffing and sealing are tasks even young children can do. Some people who are throwing a second party even have the kids make the invites. They will, at the very least, have something that is different from anything else out there.

Taking the kids shopping for their wedding attire and accessories is a fun way to involve them in the planning process. When dressing up for a wedding or other special occasion, almost everyone, including kids, enjoys feeling like a princess in their new "fancy" clothes.

Creative Second Wedding Ideas

Since the nuptials of a second marriage are the first in the new union, the ceremony can be as conventional or nontraditional as the couple desires. But many brides and grooms would rather skip the more ritualised traditions associated with first weddings, and these original suggestions can help you throw a fantastic celebration.

1. Date 

Numerous second marriages take place on holidays because they are a special day for the couple. Having their own special traditions to celebrate together year after year makes the holiday that much more meaningful. A couple's second wedding date can be chosen for the same reasons that they chose their first: to commemorate a significant anniversary, to celebrate the anniversary of the couple's engagement, or to take advantage of a particularly beautiful season.

2. Location 

Instead of having a traditional ceremony in their hometown, many couples now choose to have a second, more exotic wedding at a special destination. The couple can have a second wedding and honeymoon all in one, or they can elope and get married somewhere special. Of course, so is tying the knot on a cruise ship or a tropical beach.

3. Size 

A second wedding typically has a smaller guest list than the first. Many couples who have been married before choose to have a small, close-knit celebration with only immediate family and friends rather than inviting a large number of people to their second wedding.

4. Bridal Party 

Second weddings typically have a smaller bridal party than the first. For a second wedding, it is common for the couple to have only one or two attendants, often the children of the bride and groom. If the wedding is going to be small or if it is going to be held in a faraway location, some couples choose not to have attendants.

5. Attire 

Depending on the length of the first marriage, the age of the bride and groom-to-be, and the planned ceremony's formality, the wedding attire for a second marriage is typically less formal than that of a first.

Instead of a traditional white wedding gown, the bride may opt for an ivory or coloured dress, or even a skirt or suit that can be worn to multiple events. Depending on the vibe of the ceremony, the groom can rock a traditional tuxedo, a suit, or something more laid-back.

6. Decorations 

Their second wedding can have the same elaborate themes as their first, or they can opt for a more understated, natural look.

In general, a second wedding is more modest than the first, though the couple may add special touches and attention to detail that they overlooked the first time around. It's nice to have a theme for your wedding, but a second time around isn't the right time for a princess or fairytale affair.

7. Reception 

A second wedding reception is typically less formal than the first. Traditional wedding rituals like the receiving line, bouquet toss, and garter toss may be skipped in favour of more time for the bride and groom to mingle with their guests.

Second Wedding Don'ts

The couple is free to do whatever they want, regardless of tradition or prior ceremonies, for their second wedding. Couples planning their second wedding should be aware of a few common pitfalls.

• Typically, events like bachelor parties, bridal showers, and bachelorette parties are not appropriate for a second wedding. To counter this, a simple couple's shower can be organised.
• Guests shouldn't feel obligated to help the couple furnish their first home by contributing to a lengthy gift registry. A minimal registry, however, can be used for the sake of efficiency.
• It is not customary for a second-time bride to cover her face with a veil, but she may choose to do so if she so chooses.

Do It Your Way

When a couple gets married for a second time, they get to celebrate "their way," which is one of the best parts. And because the couple is probably footing the bill for the nuptials themselves, they are free to do pretty much whatever they want.

The couple can express their individuality and sense of style in their wedding without having to take into account the opinions of others, including their parents.

There is no hard and fast rule, but second weddings still typically have a more relaxed atmosphere than the first. The possibilities for a suitable wedding ceremony are endless. Take into account the variety of wedding celebrations possible, such as a brunch, a wedding with a specific theme, a barbeque, a wedding in your own home, a wedding on the beach, or a traditional wedding.

If you're planning a reception, your and his kids will likely be the only guests you need to think about. Your wedding should be a family affair to promote lasting peace in the household.

An informal reception makes it simple to include children, who will likely respond enthusiastically. If you're set on having a traditional wedding ceremony and reception, however, you may want to look into hiring child care and hosting a smaller reception with activities and entertainment geared towards kids in a separate room.

Rather than focusing on what you don't want to do, focus on the things you absolutely must do for your second wedding. You should remember that this is a happy festival honouring fresh starts. Do not forget that this is a time to rejoice with loved ones.

Mind the balance of familiarity and sensitivity in your interactions with new acquaintances. If you approach planning your second wedding with an open mind and heart, you and everyone who is a part of it will have an experience they will never forget.

Conclusion

A second wedding is a marriage in which either the bride or the groom has been married before. Possibilities abound for injecting a sense of novelty and excitement into the event. This is the first wedding for the couple, so it doesn't matter if they've had other big events or celebrations before. A small civil ceremony and a luncheon used to be the norm for celebrating a second wedding. In most cases, only very close friends and family are invited to a second marriage.

The importance of the event supersedes all other considerations at most second weddings. Couples should give serious consideration to their history together and any previous marriages as they plan a second wedding. It's not healthy for spouses to constantly draw negative parallels between their weddings. This is a chance for the bride and groom to do something special to commemorate their marriage. Announcing an engagement or hosting a bridal shower are not socially required.

It is common practise to take a non-standard shower in order to avoid being impolite. It's not required that you sport the trending multicoloured dresses of the moment. A second-time bride should not wear white unless her first marriage was very short or she eloped, according to etiquette experts. Those who choose white for a second wedding often go for a less formal, nontraditional style of dress. The bride's bouquet should not contain orange blossoms because they are considered an unsuitable symbol of virginity.

When it comes to a second wedding, many couples prefer to forego the pomp and circumstance and get down to business. When remarrying, many couples forego conventional wedding rituals like a bridal party or being escorted down the aisle in favour of something more personal. When it comes to weddings, the dress is practically indispensable. For a stunning gown, don't be shy about going to a reputable salon like Nitsa's. A prenuptial agreement is one legal and religious factor that must be considered.

You can still have a wonderful wedding celebration even if you choose to forego some of the more ritualistic traditions that are typically associated with first weddings by following these creative ideas. The young ones can be involved in the planning process, and you can show them how to shop for their wedding attire and accessories. Those who have been married before often opt for an intimate gathering with only close relatives and friends. It is customary for the bridal party size to be reduced for the second wedding. There is a general trend towards less formal attire for second weddings.

When planning a second wedding, the couple has complete creative freedom. Those who are getting married for the second time can do whatever they like. In case this is your second wedding, here are some things to keep in mind.

Content Summary

• What do I need to know about the proper etiquette for a second wedding?
• In addition to the joy of a second wedding, there are a few etiquette customs to keep in mind.
• If you want your second wedding to top the first one, keep reading.
• However, traditional norms disregard the fact that this may still be the bride and groom's first wedding.
• A second wedding calls for a new guest list and set of invitees.
• It's up to the bride and groom to decide whether or not to invite the groom's family or the bride's family.
• Obviously, you'll have to let your ex-husband know.
• For the sake of the kids, you should let your ex know about your wedding plans if you share custody with them.
• It is customary, though not required, to write "no gifts please" on engagement party invitations if the majority of guests also attended the couple's first wedding's engagement party.
• If you didn't wear a traditional ball gown the first time around, but would like to this time, don't let anyone stop you.
• Because of their associations with virginity and youth, most etiquette authorities agree that a bride should only wear a veil and train for her first wedding.
• What you wear to your second wedding is a personal choice.
• The couple can have a second wedding and honeymoon all in one, or they can elope and get married somewhere special.
• A second wedding typically has a smaller guest list than the first.
• Bridal Party Second weddings typically have a smaller bridal party than the first.
• Attire Depending on the length of the first marriage, the age of the bride and groom-to-be, and the planned ceremony's formality, the wedding attire for a second marriage is typically less formal than that of a first.
• Couples planning their second wedding should be aware of a few common pitfalls.
• To counter this, a simple couple's shower can be organised.
• The possibilities for a suitable wedding ceremony are endless.